Well, here I am again.....a stay-at-home mom and wife. Do I get paid? Yes....but it's in quiet time, hugs and kisses, time at the gym, time for house cleaning and organization, coffee with friends, helping in the classroom, computer time and the opportunity to learn lots of new recipes, crafts and tips.
I have been a stay-at-home mom before...in fact I taught 25 kindergarten kiddos all the way through the school year, which happened to be 3 weeks before my twins were born. They are 7 now but man, I don't miss those fat, swollen ankles after a full day of teaching!
When the twins were babies I enjoyed staying at home and loved being a mom!!! Memorizing their every need and loving every moment I could! Then I became involved in an organization called MOPS....Mothers of Preschoolers for moms with kiddos under 6. I was a member and went to the meetings but I wanted to get involved, first in a small way to get my feet wet but that wasn't God's plan and I took over the role of Hospitality Coordinator. That was not the "wet feet" kind of job I had anticipated doing....coordinating bi-monthly meeting food and decorations and events for about 80 women....but I loved it. And obviously I did because for the next 3 years I would become the Coordinator of MOPS! Not just a role but running the show, I mean the buck stopped with me (well, and a team of about 10 other women but running the show sounds much better)! This was no small undertaking either because my time seemed to be consumed with MOPS....growing leaders, making plans and being glue that held it all together, or at least it felt like I was!
The next chapter began when I was asked by the Children's Director of our church to take on a paid position and work 15 hours a week. This was very intriguing. The twins were in preschool 2 days a week and the only new piece would be all-weekend, every weekend hours for 4 church services...but I forgot to mention that my husband was out of town 3-4 days a week for work! I prayed about it, talked with my husband and I took the position, trusting that it would all work out. Over the course of almost 3 years, my role morphed into an out of control beast. I could handle the role, that wasn't the problem...the problem was I was starting to neglect my family, my marriage and our home. I was again, being consumed by a position. Something had to give.
One week in July God grabbed me by the heart and shook me...shook me to the core! I was questioning my passion, my marriage, my decisions, my past, my parenting style, my friendships, my time and why I was where I was. I wasn't the person who had laughter and spunk anymore. I wasn't in shape anymore because the stress of life had just taken over. My health was starting to decrease in the form of anxiety, muscle problems, pinched nerves, spine misalignment and my nemesis, migraines! Through all of this I heard God in a way that I had never heard him before. I can't really explain it other than it was a gripping feeling, a feeling that HE had me in his hands and that the only way to begin healing from all of this was to step down from my paid position and become a wife and mom, full-time, once again.
Now I am not gonna lie, it was not easy to respond to the grip of God. I cried a lot and had an anxiety attack or two over finances and losing my identity, falling off the radar of life. I knew it was the decision that I had to make and I made it...I made it the very next morning, in fact!
So it has been 1 month since I have stopped working. I haven't lost my identity and finances are just fine. I am adjusting to life and try not to feel like taking time for me to recoop is being lazy but rather a time to decompress from years of struggling to find balance and stress that honestly, I put on myself! This is part of the reason why I created this blog. To get my thoughts out and maybe help someone else who is struggling to find balance at home. Lord knows there are a lot of moms out there who do!
So, this will be a mish-mosh of thoughts (deep and silly, Facebook post-ish, I am sure), recipes, crafts, tips, grocery ideas, budgeting and just about whatever I want to share with you all! I have been working on meal planning and look forward to sharing with you! Be prepared, there will probably be type-o's from time to time but I am shooting for excellence, not perfection on here and in life!
No comments:
Post a Comment